Birthday Fun

So yesterday was my 30th birthday. It began the way the rest of this last month has gone: really shitty. Pardon my francaise, but there's no proper english word to express how negative it's been.

So I was driving to work and I started to feel sick. I immediately grabbed my plastic grocery bag with my lunch in it and held it up to my face. I knew i would rather lose my lunch than have puke on my lap or floor boards. So I then started to throw up into the bag while still driving. Three pukes later, I felt moisture on my lap.

While it's not out of the realm of possibility for me to also wet my pants while puking (yes, some of you know this first hand), that was not the case this time. Turns out my plastic bag had some holes in the bottom and I ended up with what looked like baby spit-up all over my legs and dripping down to the seat. I quickly called in to work and notified them I would be late, but would definitely be there!

I had already missed so many days, I did not want to be gone unless it was totally necessary. So I drove home feeling like I had wet my pants, thinking how lucky it was that no puke got on my shirt. Only have to find new pants now!

I realized all this happened because I took my medicine on an empty stomach. I finally had the D&C on Tuesday as I just could not wait any longer for the miscarriage to come. Plus, numerous people told me how incredibly painful their miscarriage was. Add to that my doctor informing me I would probably need a D&C anyhow as I was so far along when baby Logue died.

The surgery definitely ended up being a great choice. Thanks to the anaesthetic, I remember nothing and felt nothing. Kind of crazy that all that can go on and you don't have a clue afterward, but I am so thankful!

The only way to say it, it to just say it...

Well, my lapse in posting pregnancy pictures and blogs was definitely a blessing in disguise!

Yesterday, Trey and I went to my 13 week check-up at the birth center. It did not turn out as planned. Long story short: they could not find a heartbeat, so apparently I will be having a miscarriage some time in the next few weeks or month or so.

We are very sad, but we know that this is not altogether uncommon. Thank you so much to everyone that has been praying for us. We feel so much more at peace with the whole situation. God has really blessed us with amazing family and friends who's prayers have covered us and helped us heal.

While I naturally was heartbroken about losing our baby, my next closest fear and anxiety about the whole situation was about having to tell people over and over about it and dealing with never-ending questions and sympathy. I'm sure that sounds strange and unreasonable, and I acknowledge that it really is. Of course people will be concerned and will want to understand. That's what they do when they love and care about you. But I am the type to deal privately with my stronger emotions, and breaking down in front Janice, the 8th grade US History teacher I've spoken to twice in my life, well, that does not appeal to me.

So, I'm telling you this not to say that I don't want to hear from you, as we must be close if you're one of the 5 people that read this, but so that you can spread the word to anyone else who I am less close to or who may not read this. Then I don't have to :)